I'm Pissed, Therefore I Cook

Let me explain. I was feeling like hell on a beautiful Friday night and I was pissed about it. Nothing sounded good and my tummy hurt like someone kept kicking me in it repeatedly, so I just laid in bed and watched Food TV until something clicked. And guess what it was? Milkshakes!

So yeah, I made myself a strawberry milkshake with Tillamook Vanilla Bean Ice Cream and strawberries. And milk. And then, since I was still feeling pouty, I decided to go to my happy place and cook, Oregon-style.

I had morels from the market that I let dry out (which I deserve to be kicked in the stomach for), so I reconstituted them in some warm water, then sauteed them with butter and garlic. I also had asparagus from the market, and since mushrooms and asparagus are best friends, I figured I'd go with it. I sliced the asparagus and blanched it, boiled some whole wheat macaroni I found in the pantry, then added the morels, asparagus, and pasta to a large skillet. I added a squeeze of lemon juice and a splash of white wine, then tossed the whole thing with freshly grated Parm and black pepper. I also threw a Thai chile in there because I f-ing wanted to.

I even plated it before I realized that it wasn't enough. I mean, it was enough food, but it wasn't angry enough. It was way too sterile. If angry food isn't deep fried or sweat-through-your-eyes spicy, it better at least have some fat in it. So, I grabbed some half and half from the fridge and reduced it in the skillet with another splash of wine and some pepper. A little more grated Parm and then I retossed everything together. Much better.

(Alright, it took me two tries to make the psuedo-half-assed cream sauce. The first time I completely forgot how to cook and added everything at the wrong time and it broke. Stupid delicate cream.)

Oh, yeah, and I topped the pasta with some toasted filberts. (Those are hazelnuts, you know.) This is my ode-to-Oregon pasta. Local nuts, local veg, local 'shrooms. It's kind of like trail mix, but it's pasta. It's Oregon Trail Mix Pasta. Maybe that's what I should have called this post. No, I think being pissed was more of the theme.

It was kind of good, but honestly, I wasn't really even hungry. My tummy was still feeling kicked in and I was kind of full from the milkshake, which I had first, but I was just in the mood to cook. Because I was pissed. Hence the title.

I planned on hanging out with my milkshake and my angry pasta in the living room while watching a mind-numbing TNT movie, but nothing was on! What the hell? Then, I remembered that my friend gave me a new book to read, so I decided to light some nag and do that instead. It turned out to be a much better idea, so I owe him one.

Serve your Angry Oregon Trail Mix Pasta and milkshakes with anything by Beirut, which I am currently ODing on because it's so bloody good and I can't stop listening to it. I was turned onto this by the same friend who gave me the book, so I guess I owe him two.

*Health Note: calcium is a highly important mineral, especially for women, and studies show that most women only get about half the recommended daily intake. Dairy is an excellent source of calcium because it also contains lactose, which helps the body absorb calcium. Oh, and there is also evidence that calcium helps to reduce PMS. Now we're all happy. Bet you didn't think I could justify the milkshakes and creamy pasta. Ha. In your face.