My Veggie Burger, the Hero

Behold...
...the coveted and ethereal 11-cup Pro Custom Cuisinart Food Processor! This sacred machine finally graces my kitchen, after a lifetime of sacrifice, devotion, and meticulous dicing. The Chopper, the Shredder, and the Dough Mixer in one. Terra pax and so forth. Amen.

Right, so I got a new food processor. Yeah!!! I'm finally a real cook! My last one was a cheap mess, but it did die an honorable death in battle. (Jesse and I had it pinned down from either side, both trying to force the lid off after it's last bout with biscuit dough. The dough survived, but the bowl cracked all Liberty Bell-style.) I scored this new FP for a ridiculous deal and have been prancing around it proudly for days now.
My favorite accessory is the How-To DVD. Yes, I watched it. No, I'm not always that big of a loser.

OK, enough babbling and gawking...what am I gonna make with this thing? Something that requires a hell of a lot of fine chopping is the key so I can a) save time and b) try out every attachment and scoff at my lowly knives in the corner. The answer: veggie burgers!

If you just lost interest, I urge you to keep reading. The veggie burger has gotten one of the worst bum raps in gastronomy. I think this mostly comes from people who eat veggie burgers because they really want a hamburger and they're trying to sneakily disguise it. That usually doesn't work out because, well, it is difficult to replace a cow with a carrot, know what I mean? But, if you treat the veggie burger as its own entity -- just a delicious (and nutritious) sandwich -- it's really quite good. Here is my version:

The key is flavor. This may sound obvious, but vegetarian fare has also gotten all wrapped up in the bad zone due to its common lack of flavor. I seriously urge you to try this bundle of joy and tell me it has any relation to cardboard. Try it!

La Receta:
Using your new 11-cup Pro Custom Cuisinart Food Processor (herein after, "the FP"), chop:

-one medium sweet onion
-one large clove of garlic
-one red bell pepper (seeds and ribs removed)
-0ne serrano chile (seeds and ribs removed unless you like it HOT)
-a heaping handful of crimini mushrooms

Smile adoringly at how easy that was. Saute in a large skillet with olive oil. Now, using the shred attachment of the FP, shred:

-one medium carrot
-one medium parsnip

Smile again. Add to saute pan. Now switch to the slice attachment of the FP, and finely slice:

-one smallish bunch of Italian kale*

Add to saute pan. Laugh at how long that would have taken you without the FP. (If you are using a knife for this...I'm sorry for you.)

The mixture in the pan should start to come together sort of like, well, ground beef! To that, add about a tbsp of chili powder, a tsp each of cumin, salt, and cocoa powder, some turns of fresh black pepper, and a handful of dried cherries. (I actually used dried cranberries this time because that's what I had on hand. Still good.) Last, add about 3/4 can of black beans and mash some of them. Incorporate the whole mixture and taste it. If it's good enough to eat alone, it's done. If not, season to your tastes. Form into burger-like shapes and lightly sear each side in olive oil. I topped these with some incredible aged Manchego (thanks, Scott!), sliced semi-firm avocado, crunchy frisée, and some Jufran's Hot Banana Sauce. This sandwich has a decidedly Latino flare, which makes it even more heroic in my book. The addition of cocoa powder was inspired by Oaxacan mole, Manchego is a Spanish cheese, and avocados are very common in Cuban cuisine. Oh, and the banana sauce is Philippino, but it feels like the same family. My intention was to make sweet potato fries or tostones with this, but it was getting pretty late so we had chocolate chip cookies from the dough in the fridge instead.

Enjoy this health and flavor powerhouse with your old Jimmy Cliff mix. Not only will you be the hero of your veggie-averse friends, but you'll be helping them see clearly now, and for years to come. If Cool Runnings is on TV...bonus.

*Various studies have been done on eye health and diet. Kale is apparently the best thing you can eat to maintain healthy vision. Jesse has eye issues, so we eat kale regularly and it is surprisingly versatile and delicious. This sandwich is also packed with other antioxidant-rich ingredients, like carrots, avocado, and garlic, that contribute to strong eye cells and tissues.